Breaking Through My Own Resistance

I'd known of the Men's Rites of Passage for a number of years and always thought, "Some day, maybe I'll try that." That was my life--always saying "some day maybe I'll do this, or maybe I'll do that."

Then I did a men's weekend that really held a mirror up to my eyes and showed me how often I defer living my life to "some day." That men's weekend was powerful for me and I am still in a men's group that formed from that original weekend almost 8 years ago. I learned a lot about myself and I learned to take accountability for what I do or fail to do.

In the next year or so the notion of attending the Men's Rites of Passage kept coming to mind. I soon realized it was time to break through my own resistance, which, as it turned out, was more like walking through cobwebs than busting through a brick wall. My desire to go out into the wilderness to encounter the Living God had shown itself to be far greater than my petty fears.

And I made a commitment to myself to attend the next one available. I applied and was accepted. I read and prayed every day in preparation for the Rites. I prayed for the grace to have Beginner's Mind in the days leading up to leaving for the retreat, and I became aware that my nightly dreams were full and rich and my emotions were stirring.

It was clear something big was about to happen to me and I prepared to give myself over to the Rites--to stand defenseless before the God of All Creation. Deep in my heart, I am so very grateful that I responded to this call which I had ignored for so long. The original men's weekend had opened me up to my own human life as a man. The Men's Rites of Passage grounded that original experience in the ultimate truth of my deeper identity as a beloved son of God. If you are hearing a calling, I urge you to listen to your heart. Let your desires lead you to the wilderness.

Tom McGrath
Men’s Rites of Passage - Ghost Ranch, New Mexico 2003

A Greater Sense of God’s Presence

"The young man that cannot cry is a savage, the old man that cannot laugh is a fool"

In June of 2007, I had the sacred honor of being present with 50 other men who were part of the 28th group initiated at Richard Rohr's Men's Rite of Passage, at the Audubon Center-North Woods, at Sandstone, MN.

If you are a man with an open mind and spirit, that is serious about his spiritual journey, I encourage you not to attend, but to "experience" the Rites of Passages.
With this being the first Rites of Passage in Illinois, not only will you be part of a major first time event, but also be united with the 3,600 men that have already accepted this life changing invitation.

As each man's experience is unique, I find the fruit of my experience is unfolding everyday. Aside from the close knit brotherhood of men that I was inititated into, I am aware of other significant changes in myself as a result of the experience:

• Although I have always had a respect for the visual beauty of nature, I have a new respect for listening to the wisdom of nature.

• I am aware of a greater self-confidence, with a clearer, more mature sense of purpose that wasn't present prior to attending the Rites.

• Also, I find myself much more in tune with the present moment; calmer and less anxious to accomplish everything, and perfectly.

• Recently, I have become more aware of a greater sense of God's presence, and experiencing the joy of being a "Beloved Son."

Bob Carter
Men’s Rites of Passage, June 2008 Audubon Center – North Woods, Sandstone, Minnesota


(Editor’s note: Bob Carter passed away suddenly in Early 2008. He had just been selected to serve as an Elder in Illinois helping to put on the first Illinois Men’s Rites of Passage. We are dedicating the first Illinois Rites to Bob and his energy and spirit will be missed. See Bob Carter’s Web site: click here)

Knowing Richard Rohr’s Work and Hearing of Others Attending the Rites

I had worked with Richard Rohr in the past including an internship at the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC), Richard’s center. All of my work with Richard Rohr had a profound effect on me spiritually. I was also aware that Richard was doing "men’s work" and because of my relationship with him and the CAC, I was naturally interested and intended to do it at some time. I didn't obviously know what to expect but had a real sense that something very valuable was available.

The idea of scheduling a significant amount of time away from work and family probably had me put it off going for a while. Then my wife and I attended a meeting for parents whose children are about to be confirmed. The meeting was led by John Grossman, an Elder of the Illinois M.A.L.E.s. During his presentation he shared something about doing a men’s program with a crazy Franciscan where he spent the day out in the desert and that it had a profound effect on him. My wife turned to me and said "I bet you want to do that" and of course I said yes.

After the presentation I went up to John and asked him if he was talking about Richard and the Men’s Rites of Passage and he said yes. That is probably what was the impetus for enrolling...that and my trust in whatever Richard is doing.

I have done a lot of personal growth type work in the past - some of it very confronting. This was not my experience on the Men’s Rites of Passage. Although lots of issues came up, I found the overall experience to be quite gentle. I had the privilege of doing it at Ghost Ranch in New Mexico and that place has enormous significance for me - both because of its exquisite beauty and because of what I experienced there. I went back there for a year end retreat with Richard two years ago and it was wonderful, although not the same as when I did the MROP.

I can't say that I did the MROP for any specific reason. I don't recall having any special issues that I was trying to deal with except to say that something about it spoke to my spirit.

Since I've completed the Rites, I have become increasingly aware of the need for this kind of men’s spirituality on a broader scale. We clearly face a crisis in masculine identity of vast proportions and this affects us personally and society as a whole. We can see the breakdown of the traditional family and at least some of this can be attributed to the absence of the father - either emotionally, or physically or both. Weak or absent fathers affect the psychological well being of the children of both sexes, inhibiting their ability to achieve their own gender identity and to relate in positive and intimate way with members of their own and the opposite sex.

As Richard Rohr has pointed out, many of us aging baby boomers at some level are the victims of this but we also have an opportunity, through this kind of work, to break the cycle and prepare our brothers and sons to live and experience a life of authentic manhood that may, hopefully, impact our global society.

Gerry Aylwards
Men’s Rites of Passage

A Powerful and Engaging Spiritual Experience

Having followed the spiritual journey of Fr. Richard Rohr for many years (since the '70's) I was intrigued to learn of his interest in male initiation. I had been involved in men's spirituality for some years myself and had participated in preparing an initiation for young men. When the opportunity came up to participate in an initiation experience I was excited and most open to going. The event did not disappoint me. It is a powerful and engaging spiritual experience that has continued to have its impact on me, some 3 years after the event.

Juan Lorenzo Hinojosa

Why I went on the MROP - the journey

I had heard of Richard Rohr for years - had listened to his tapes on male spirituality over the years. He always seemed insightful and very real. He spoke to me. What particularly jumped out at me was his biblical reflections on Paul and human freedom. I was going on a pilgrimage to Greece and Turkey in the footsteps of St. Paul, and got his "Life as Participation" CDs on Paul - they really blew my mind and touched me with deep insights.

So I continued to read and listen - my life was slowly moving on. I had recovered from some setbacks. But I felt a certain empty restlessness - wasn't sure how to read it or what to do about it. In early 2005, a work-friend, who also enjoys Rohr's stuff, mentioned the male rites coming up later in the year. I quickly dismissed it as something I just don't do - sounded too tribal! A week or two later, he said he was interested in going and would go if I would. What the heck, I thought - why not! I was helping him and it might help me! So we went to the website and I started to sign up. The questions I had to answer at first startled me - and then attracted me - because they asked about what I might be looking for - they reached into that empty restlessness which seemed to define me - so I thought, this will be good - and good for me! I signed up - was relieved when I got accepted after the questionnaire - and purchased my ticket to fly to Minnesota - only to learn weeks later, that my friend hadn't done that yet - opps - I did not want to go alone. I prayed and heard nothing. I shared it with a few guys I know and they laughed - was this going to drumming naked with overgrown boyscouts? Finally my friend signed up - but it always was seemed hesitant about whether he would actually make it.

About a month before, fear got the best of me - it did sound like I'd be out in the woods, alone, naked, drumming and fighting mosquitoes. Reading Rohr's Adam's Return about the male rites helped with some of my fears but also elicited other fears. In fact, I simply decided just not to show up. The only person I told was my spiritual director, who had been excited that I was being called to these male rites. About three weeks before it was to happen, she arrived and gave me a drum she had purchased for me to use. That doomed my fears - now I had to go!

So I flew to Minnesota with a reticent but hopeful heart. Somehow, I felt forced to be there - was it just Susan's drum? for my friend? the empty restlessness speaking? or God? Hell, I could survive anything, I thought! I wasn't at all sure that I wanted to get out of it - except survive and not get eaten alive by mosquitoes.

Looking back, I now laugh - how naive I was! God was calling me in all those ways. The rites overwhelmed me in ways I still cannot explain - all my worse fears were realized there, but I was invited inside the empty restlessness and experienced a "healing" that is still hard to explain. I had been bleeding internally in my spirit all my life - as I walked into the deep inner wound, it was so painful, but I had to confront the deeper truth. Something profound happened to me. The hemorrhaging of spirit stopped, although the wound remains as something I struggle with as I struggle with God as his beloved son. But I'm no longer bleeding to death! The experience of the MROP is wordlessly powerful and continues to transform my identity and life. I'm so glad that I did not let my initial fears define and confine me.


Bob Colaresi
Darien, Illinois

Initiated Men Invited to Share Why They Took the Rites of Passage

My name is Ed Miller and I am the Web Master for the Illinois Men as Learners and Edlers (M.A.L.E.s) Web site and an Elder for the Illinois M.A.L.E.s. Our group is charged with providing programming for men's spirituality in Illinois and the Midwest. Our largest project is the first Illinois Men's Rites of Passage 5 day experience from August 13-17. The Rites will be lead by Fr. Richard Rohr who has been leading these events for overe 10 years.

Our goal with these blog posts is to let men who have already completed the Men's Rites of Passage share their thinking, reflecting and discernment process that lead them to take the Rites.

I hope you will find their stories compelling, and interesting. You will notice that the men who have done the Rites did not necessarity do so with confidence. They waivered back and forth and even felt afraid before making their final decision. Also meaningful is that these same men felt that the Men's Rites of Passage was a significant step on their spiritual journey.

I also hope these stories can help you in your own soul searching leading up to making the decision to take the Men's Rites of Passage.

When you are ready to apply for the Men's Rites of Passage please click here to go to the www.malespirituality.org Web site where you can download an application.